Caring for our romantic and family relationships in therapy is a well known option nowadays. Friendship therapy is a great way to do the same for you and your friends – and treat them as the fundamental bonds they are.
Friendship Therapy
Friendships are Fundamental
For many people, friendships are absolutely essential. They can be special people who we encountered in key moments, and we would not be the same without them. They might be people we are not in touch with anymore but that doesn’t make them any less significant in our lives. And friendships also have the magical potential to be long-term or even last a lifetime. Friends can be our people when there is no family or partner. Friends can be the ones we find ourselves spending holidays with. The ones who witness us across many life stages and reflect back to us who we are. Studies show that good friendships improve health, longevity and well-being. And our hearts show that too.
At the same time, even though friendships can be just as important as partners or family (or more!), there is much less specific modelling and learning of how to make a friendship long-lasting and successful. How to take care of it year after year after year. The models and advice we get on dating or having a family are sometimes helpful and sometimes not, but there is a strong understanding that these relationships change, develop, struggle and repair. If we don’t do that, they can’t last and be happy. The same thing is true for friendships even though the path to being 85 and giggling on a bench together is less outlined.
Here are some situations that make friendships valuable but that can also pose a challenge and a good reason to consider Friendship Therapy.
Changing Together
A friendship can be years or decades long – should we be so lucky. Over this time, the individuals grow and change. However, sometimes the conversations in the friendships have maintained the same familiar groove of the past and haven’t shifted to reflect who these people are in the present. Perhaps you gravitate back to the same topics. Perhaps something about you has changed but your friend doesn’t see it yet or vice versa. Maybe you would both like to reach into new depths of sharing but are so used to the format you have established that you don’t want to rock the boat.
Friendship updates can also be helpful if you’ve gone from one environment to another like meeting at work or school and now expanding beyond those spaces. Other times you may have been intertwined in a group of friends or romantic relationships that have dissolved and you are now making your friendship your own in a new context.
The Big Milestones
There are many potential milestones in the life of a person. As friends, we are often not part of these decisions but we are there to witness them as they impact our friend and in turn impact our friendship. Moving apart or moving back home. Change of job or struggling in the current one. The beginning or ending of a romantic relationship. Births and deaths. Children. Any celebrations and any struggles. All of these can have a positive or negative impact on our friendship, or a mix of both.
Most importantly, what is happening to your friendship dynamic as you go through this together? Have you ever developed a way of talking about what these changes meant for each of you and how your relationship can make space for them? Sometimes, like in all important bonds, miscommunication around your experience may have caused hurt to one or both people. Even in friendships, clarity and repair are something we need in order to care for each other.
Growing in Company
Friends can be important attachment figures – just like family members and romantic partners. This means that with friends we too look for comfort and safety when life gets hard, they love us up to face the world, and we get scared when something threatens the relationship. Friends also reflect back how they see us and this shapes what we believe about ourselves.
A 2012 study found that how we show up (our attachment style) can vary across different types of relationships. We can have certain tendencies with our parents but other ones with partners or friends. Interestingly, the study also found that some of our patterns overlap in our romantic bonds and our friendships (like, how anxious we feel in them).
The therapy process can be greatly improved by working with the whole unit – like a couple or family – because that brings the people’s natural habitat into the sessions. Bringing in the whole friendship in can be beneficial for a more wholesome personal development journey and can potentially bare fruit that we can take into our other relationships too. Friendship therapy is a beautiful space to witness and support each other’s growth.
Keeping What Matters
Lately, public conversations about friendships seem to have become limited to defining whether they are “toxic” and “setting boundaries”. However, just like other important relationships, our friendships can be long-lasting sources of wellbeing. They make up our days, and our lives. In caring about our friendships we care about ourselves and also about the community we live in because strong healthy bonds benefit everyone around them. And as the pillars of life they can be, friendships need good conditions for the love and connection to grow.
Text by Veronika Zahradnickova (05/07/2026)
Resources: Comparisons of attachment in close relationships
If you would like to try Friendship Therapy, I offer joint sessions in Melbourne and online. I tailor Emotionally Focused Therapy to your specific friendship, and the topics and goals you would like to work on. Feel free to get in touch with any questions you might have.